Letter from the Headmaster (U.H.)

Some of you might want to know what a “U.H.” is. I’m here to help.

“U.H.” stands for “Unruly Headmaster.” That’s me. And the ones who have dubbed me the “U.H.” are the ECS gnomes. It’s true.

Though they wouldn’t fancy much being called the “ECS gnomes,” since they hold ECS in derision.

Now that I’ve introduced still more confusion, I’ll try to clarify.

Many of you know that our mascot is the Raggant, from ND Wilson’s 100 Cupboards series. In the series, the protagonist, Henry York, disturbs peace enjoyed by some grumpy gnomes who live on the other side of his bedroom wall, which is actually a collection of doors to other worlds.

Henry is surprised and confused when he receives some grumpy notes from the gnomes, in which they dub him “W.C” for “Whimpering Child.” He gains this title because of his routinely crying in his nightmares. So Henry is the W.C. But what about the U.H.?

Well, last school year we learned that there are gnomes somewhere in the vicinity of ECS when I began receiving notes similar to those the gnomes gave Henry York. Apparently there are portals someplace in the church building similar to those found in Henry’s bedroom, and the Gnomes of District 93 have little appreciation for the sorts of sounds coming from ECS and disturbing their otherwise peaceful (and quiet) existence.

I’m told (again, by letter) that this includes laughter, singing, and chanting…and that it must stop. I’ve even been accused of contributing to this disturbance, earning me the title “Unruly Headmaster.”

Along with the Raggants, I’m “unruly” according to of a bunch of stodgy gnomes, and that’s alright with me.

I imagine the gnomes would be happy hanging out in Grendel’s cave, where they’re insulated from merrymaking and songs about the Measurer of the world. But being in close proximity to our students must be especially troublesome…where Raggants sing for fun as well as for facts, where they recite the Apostle’s Creed with confidence, and where they engage in cheerful conversation on a daily basis.

It’ll be a sad day if the gnomes stop slipping grumpy notes under the door of the U.H. By God’s grace, may it never come!

Risus est bellum!